Confessions of an Invincible Fit Mom: August 7, 2013
Failure. What is it really? I looked up on Merriam Webster dictionary and found a few different definitions, none of which really hit home for me. The first one being the omission of occurrence or performance; specifically : a failing to perform a duty or expected action.
Let me start by saying I am VERY hard on myself. I hold myself to the highest of standards on some certain things. I’m terrified of failure and absolutely refuse to fail. The thing is, I think I have a very realistic definition of failure for myself. I don’t think I fail if I don’t get 1st place at a competition, however I DID fail if I didn’t put my all into my prep and I didn’t allow myself to compete at 100%. Now to me, that is failure. I’m not a failure because I’m not rich with money, because I am a huge success being rich with love and family and passion in my life! I guess it's kind of a matter of perspective for me.
Being a mom has changed everything in my way of thinking. I think my standards for myself are even higher than they were before because I feel like there’s a magnifying glass that people are looking at me through just waiting on me to give up and slip up. It’s made the start of this off season a little stressful for me. Up until a couple of days ago I was feeling like a failure. I was eating foods not on my off season nutrition guide. I was eating out and eating junk food and candy. Not all day every day, but enough to where I didn’t go even 3 days without having something I shouldn’t. Then it hit me. I do this every off season. Why beat myself up about it now?? If I’m having 5-6 meals a day and all but one is on point, why not relax a little bit and be a rebel. Sure! I know if I did 100% clean I would have minimal body fat gain and maximal muscle growth, but then there’s the mental and emotional aspect of things. Just knowing that if I want something, I can eat it and not feel guilty is a satisfaction you get. Yes, it is yet again a coin toss because you also get satisfaction in knowing your disciplined enough to stay on track 100% and can turn down anything and everything in front of you. I’ve definitely done that one time and time again. For now though, I choose to take an alternative route. It doesn’t have to be totally black or white sometimes. Yes, I am totally rationalizing my “failures” right now because a couple of days ago I accepted them!! I’ve totally let loose and have been having even better workouts and getting more pumped about training not stressing myself out about being perfect. While, as a pro, and being known as the gym rat, bodybuilder, fitness girl, etc.. I’m held to these standards of people thinking it’s easy for me and all I do is work out and fix health food…but I’m actually a very normal person who just strives to achieve great things! Here’s to enjoying life in the process!!
And by the way- the only way to be a failure.. is to just flat out quit! And I’m no quitter! =)