Confessions of an Invincible Fit Mom: August 7, 2013

Confessions of an Invincible Fit Mom: August 7, 2013

Failure. What is it really? I looked up on Merriam Webster dictionary and found a few different definitions, none of which really hit home for me.  The first one being the omission of occurrence or performance; specifically : a failing to perform a duty or expected action.

Let me start by saying I am VERY hard on myself.  I hold myself to the highest of standards on some certain things.  I’m terrified of failure and absolutely refuse to fail.  The thing is, I think I have a very realistic definition of failure for myself.  I don’t think I fail if I don’t get 1^st place at a competition, however I DID fail if I didn’t put my all into my prep and I didn’t allow myself to compete at 100%.  Now to me, that is failure.  I’m not a failure because I’m not rich with money, because I am a huge success being rich with love and family and passion in my life! I guess it's kind of a matter of perspective for me.

Being a mom has changed everything in my way of thinking.  I think my standards for myself are even higher than they were before because I feel like there’s a magnifying glass that people are looking at me through just waiting on me to give up and slip up.  It’s made the start of this off season a little stressful for me.  Up until a couple of days ago I was feeling like a failure.  I was eating foods not on my off season nutrition guide.  I was eating out and eating junk food and candy.  Not all day every day, but enough to where I didn’t go even 3 days without having something I shouldn’t.  Then it hit me.  I do this every off season.  Why beat myself up about it now??  If I’m having 5-6 meals a day and all but one is on point, why not relax a little bit and be a rebel.  Sure! I know if I did 100% clean I would have minimal body fat gain and maximal muscle growth, but then there’s the mental and emotional aspect of things.  Just knowing that if I want something, I can eat it and not feel guilty is a satisfaction you get.  Yes, it is yet again a coin toss because you also get satisfaction in knowing your disciplined enough to stay on track 100% and can turn down anything and everything in front of you. I’ve definitely done that one time and time again.  For now though, I choose to take an alternative route.  It doesn’t have to be totally black or white sometimes.  Yes, I am totally rationalizing my “failures” right now because a couple of days ago I accepted them!! I’ve totally let loose and have been having even better workouts and getting more pumped about training not stressing myself out about being perfect.  While, as a pro, and being known as the gym rat, bodybuilder, fitness girl, etc.. I’m held to these standards of people thinking it’s easy for me and all I do is work out and fix health food…but I’m actually a very normal person who just strives to achieve great things!  Here’s to enjoying life in the process!!  

And by the way- the only way to be a failure.. is to just flat out quit!  And I’m no quitter! =)

Confessions of an Invincible Fit Mom 7/22/13

Confessions of an Invincible Fit Mom 7/22/13

It’s already been 2 weeks since I stepped on stage at my first physique show.  It already seems like it’s been months ago! Why? I’m not really sure, to be honest with you. Maybe partly because I wasn’t where I would have liked to be for the show, but also wasn’t willing to put in all that extra work to get there, leaving me content with where I was.  I came home, had my 30^th birthday, and have eaten junk food every single day since.  I already halfway feel like I have to start from scratch, then I think- WAIT! It WAS only 2 weeks ago, if I fix this NOW .. I won’t lose all of my progress on how far I had come. (although should have fixed it 2 days after the show)

Confessional: This is not easy for me since having a baby. My passion and my priorities have changed, yet stayed the same.  I have trouble finding the balance and fitting things into the 24 hours we are given each day.  I have SSOOO many blessings! I have sooo much that I am so thankful for so please don’t get me wrong! I find myself wishing it were easy, or there was a magic pill to fix it.  I still feel like I should be able to eat whatever I want and slack on the cardio and still get the body that I want (like I could do when I was 20), but that is definitely not the case.  I, now, have to work harder AND have more obstacles in me being able to get that work done.  More “noise” if you will.  This is where desire and passion come into play.  It’s so hard to explain because there are so many ups and downs.  When I’m at the gym after Mason is in bed, I feel fine! I’m excited! I am motivated.  It’s ME time!  I almost contemplate putting together a fitness routine and hitting the stage again asap.  Then I turn back into mommy mode and think there’s NO way I want to spend all the time required away from my amazing son who is doing something new each day! I don’t want to miss this precious time with him and my husband! Not to mention that’s time I need to be putting into our personal businesses and studying for my critical care nurse certification exam to make me a better nurse.  So then what!? I wake up the next day and have the same battle.  I start to do cardio at the house because that is easier (with a 16 mo old who won’t stay in the gym nursery away from mommy or daddy) while Mason is napping, but only 15 minutes in he starts to cry so I go get him.  Another session cut short.  I go to the gym late at night so I don’t miss anything, but am so tired by then. I feel like I’ve already had a workout for the day, topped off by bedtime routine. It would be soo easy to be content with being normal and average.  *There is NOTHING wrong with being normal and average, however I believe I’ve been given a gift and truly want to use it to the greatest potential possible and inspire others in the process*

So this ends now. Today is a new day! Each day a new blessing.  Andrew & I talked… got on the same page a little bit, a new plan of action… and so it begins.  I’ve just got to put my big girl panties on and be the strong woman I am, and as hard as it may/will be – there is NO reason why I can’t do and have it all!  How am I supposed to inspire others if I don’t walk the walk myself! Besides, I want Mason to see the importance of eating healthy and exercise.  And No, we are not going to force him to compete or be a bodybuilder by any means.  We just want to him the live a healthy balanced lifestyle doing whatever makes him happy!  And for me, it’s only been 2 weeks and I’ve still been lifting, but sporadically.  My body can already tell the difference.  Some people get sore and hate working out.  I get SO sore if I do NOT lift hard and heavy.  My hip, knee, and ankle joints start to ache like I’m 80 years old!  As soon as I start lifting again, that goes away.  It’s about health.  It’s about setting an example.  It’s about overcoming the odds.  Leadership! Taking responsibility! Today, I have stayed on my diet 100%. I did cardio at the house (the last 10 minutes with Mason on my knee riding the bike) and will be headed to the gym when Andrew gets home from work.  So time to check out some new music to download for my workout! Time to get pumped!

Not to mention I’m an IFBB PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE! I had better act like one! =)